You can find inspiration or truth in almost anything.
I have recently been watching old Gossip Girl episodes on Netflix – I watched it when it first came out and loved it.
Side note: if anyone is wondering if it is worth a re-watch – if you are looking for mindless fun to zone out to for an hour or so then yes. But as someone who is now older than the characters, it is basically a bunch of children running around scheming and backstabbing with waaaay too much money.
And Nate and Chuck are definitely too childish to be hot anymore. Shame.
But I digress.
I was watching the episode where Blair basically calls Serena a prostitute with the implication ‘if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck’. At the time I didn’t think much of it, aside from OMG-I-can’t-believe-she-pushed-her-in-the-cake (like I said, childish but fun)!
But sitting in work a couple of days later, it dawned on me.
I may think that I am different, better even, than the average 9-5 office worker. That I haven’t sold out. That I am not wasting 8 hours a day in a swivel chair (which I can’t even spin myself round on because adult) doing something I hate, while my life passes by.
Because it won’t be forever, because right now I need money for rent, bills and to, well, live. And one day I will be able to spend all my timing writing, travelling and pursuing other things that I am passionate about.
BUT, the fact of the matter is. That day is not today.
In truth, it doesn’t matter that I manage to get away with wearing my biker boots and jeans while everyone else wears shirts and shoes.
Or that I spent rather a lot of my time in work, not actually working.
These mini-rebellions in an attempt to retain my identity and reclaim my time do not change the fact.
I show up on time, say the right things when required, and still do my job (although not overly well, but that’s not something my boss seems to have noticed). If the phrase is to be believed, I am a duck.
And that is not where I want to be. Not even close. It’s not even part of the journey.
So it’s time for a serious change.
The life that I want to create, is by no means an easy feat, making money is still a necessity but I am going to be more creative with how I do that and will probably take a flexible low paid job to give me more time to do what I actually want to do.
But there are two things I have decided for sure:
- I am quitting my job – It sucks and I hate it, so it has got to go. End of.
- It is high time for an adventure
I need a reset, something that pushes my out of my comfort zone and allows me to do one thing that I really love – a solo travel trip! More details on this come, but I am SOOO excited!
These two decisions definitely do not solve everything and I am sure that there will be many hurdles ahead, but I feel this is a step in the right direction.
I only want to walk and talk like me. And be proud of who that person is.